Tuesday, July 20, 2010

UCT: Day Zero.

So Wednesday was a pretty big day for me.

After an impossible length of time goofing off and devoting the entirety of my energy to transforming virtual Zombies and Dragons into a thick paste upon my trusty Devourer of Social Skills and destroyer of my already meagre chances at getting a date, the very machine that I extend my slothful existence by typing on right now, it seems reality has arrived on its gigantic meat-wagon of responsibility to cart me off to the slaughter-house of NOT sitting on my ass and clicking on dudes before they click on me.
Oh the horror, amirite?

From the moment I gained the ability to perceive the world as more than a cramped wet room with magical automatic meal delivery and waste removal built into the contract, life has, if not handed everything to me, at least presented it in a completely idiot proof and user friendly way to prevent my delicate mind from experiencing the ravages of the badlands of tax returns, application forms and generally not getting shit for free (mostly, as I'll explain later).
Gotta sort out school lunches? "Let mommy write you this note and draw you a map."
Need to go to a birthday party? "Ag, it's too far to walk, let me drive you, darling."
Got a school project? "Here's an in depth rubric telling us EXACTLY what we want from you, and take your time dearie"
As of two days ago, my entrance into "big big BIG school", I've been thrown into the adult world with all the force, abruptness and surprise of a lightning bolt somehow made of fat guys smacking me in the temple on a sunny day.

Suddenly I'm organising my own transport half way across the world (as I know it) every day; I'm having it drilled into me by my own common sense and the entirely more abundant common sense of others that the whole (9 : 0.3) ratio between vidjeo games and every-goddamned-thing else isn't going to be working out quite as sweetly as it has been for the last 14 zombie apocalypses (or however you socially adjusted people calculate time these days).

Up untill now my life hasn't really been interesting enough to warrant any bloggy behavior on my part, seeing as how it's revolved around nothing more than the aforesaid vidjeo games and what schoolwork I got done in between new Super Mario titles.
Before, I could only really make up fictional parodies about what I could glean of the world at large with my jaded and badly degraded Nerdeyes(tm). Now that I'm out there, having real life experiences as the adult I swore blind never to become (and yet somehow get rich and famous while doing fuck-all), I think I've got some interesting stuff to say about reality; stuff that might cause reality to become a little red-faced were it to get out.

Suck it, Reality. I'm here now and you're quite hilarious, looking forward to messing witcha.

Crap, I haven't even gotten to the anecdotes about mah first University day yet. Tell ya what, I'll have those on your desk(top) by tomorrow, but right now: Reality has gifted me with a peace offering of the first full night's sleep in days, and though I'm naturally cautious of this possible Trojan Horse, I'm also too damned bushed to do much mocking today one way or another...

... but don't think you're getting it any easier now, Reality Old Chum, I haven't even gotten started.

Grant out.

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